change of address

here

this is for you

will you come with me?

i'm ready to dance again. :)

and life goes on

because i want it to. :)

i think it's taken me alot more than anyone could possibly know to let go. things have been going on far longer than the month or two. on the surface seemingly so. but oh god, it's been almost a year of late nights and tears. i wouldn't have been able to take anymore.

and now i know, i am so much stronger than i thought.

on another note. i need to go on a shopping fast.

*cherrios*

and i leave you with;
"dance like noone is watching. love like you've never been hurt. sing like nobody's listening. work like you don't need money. live like this is the last day of your life."

fireflies

you, looked just like my mother

did when she was nineteen

not afraid to die

i, started planning our future

you were just nineteen

still a firefly

you, got terrible vision

you should have seen i was leaving

when i first appeared

i, got bit by the footlights

i got caught in the headlights

in any place but here

never say

you'll never leave

because you'll never know til you try

in a jar

fireflies, only last for one night

only last for one night

trains roll, like gamblers in slow mo

trying to find good luck

when they couldn't find love

and i'm, going to sleep on the train tracks

it's going to be a peaceful night

then it's going to get rough

never say

you'll never leave

because you'll never know til you try

in a jar

fireflies, only last for one night

only last for one night

i must have had a reason for leaving

not one i could see

i must have had a reason for leaving

it must have been me

must have been me

must have been me

you, looked just like my mother

did when she was nineteen

not afraid to die

for the last time

i'm not your mother

and i was only nineteen

i'm still a firefly

- rachel yamagata

revenge of the sponge

my last day of work was filled with no work, good food, gossip, and cheerily telling my client that it was my last day.

i will so NOT miss the evil territorial pantry lady who makes it a daily habit of yelling at me for taking her hot water. HER hot water. HERS. she owns the hot water in the pantry. woe if we dare take it. *mutters vulgarities of the hokkein sort under breath* you can tell i have a personal grudge against her.

the three of us went for all our trainings together, although we're in a different team, i believe i annoy them enough by telling them ghost stories about the office and then forcing them to go to the loo with me cuz i'm too scared to go alone. i also love to send them chain emails and stealing their secret stash of food.

my manager and i. her kid looks like her, except younger. carbon copy. kinda like regina and her mom. heh. heh. heh. notice how spongebob is present in every picture.

my neighbor from across the wall. i like to disturb her cuz she's so nice and unsuspecting.

my teammates.

spongebob works harder than i do. he does all the work, and i get all the credit.

my favourite lunch friends. different teams, but i like to throw things across the wall (on my left) and they like to keep them and not give it back. they also like to pop their heads over and demand sweets. peiwen (holding spongebob) has a secret crush on patrick (pink himbo starfish, also spongebob's best gay partner friend).

i will miss them all!!!! o.O *sniffle*

sorrow pie

teach me everything you know about making sorrow pie.

because it kicks you when you're down

i just quit my job. tendered my two weeks notice. simply because i realize that i can't do number crunching. i can't do data drilling. and it drives me crazy when i can't understand what i'm supposed to be doing. i love my company, the ethos, the culture, and the people that come along with it, but i can't tolerate the job on hand. so it's only wise, in my opinion, to leave before any more investment is being put into me. to mould me into what i do not wish to be.

i'm getting alot of flak for a particular job that i'm applying for. it's just for kicks. just to see if i can make it. just because. but, do i have to catalogue my future for everyone to see? i can't even catalogue it for my own reference, how can it be so easy for them to dismiss it, to say that it's a waste of my intelligence (or lack thereof) to take up the job? i don't understand how one can so quickly leap to judge another by their own standards. i guess, deep down, i hope i get the job, in spite. to tell everyone, i don't want to do what you want me to. so what are you going to do about it? but is that right? or is that just plain stupid?

i need a hug. now.

it's been raining since you left me

dinner at marche

gary and mojo - our new phones

life, like it is, is looking pretty damn good.

better late than never

hmm. i have tons more pictures but not enough time to edit them. so. bye!

project carrots

wizards and warlocks

i loved the story.

now i know why the dragon was blue.
the prince a himbo.
and the princess, the saving grace.

*wink*

cheers to a great year ahead, love!

because you can never be too careful around here

the best and the worst of 2007

*adapted from christina's post o.O*

1. school
is finally over. there's no immediate joy about the end of my school life in smu, just a sort of empty spot where it used to be. my last two semesters in smu were not really significant to me and i probably would much rather forget it.

school has really changed alot from the first time i began in the old campus along bukit timah. the people, the place, the entire atmosphere. smu is slowly becoming a place i am glad to no longer be a part of.

2. friendships
my best friend is still in australia. she says perhaps she'll be back in june for a short visit. and i do hope. but things are tough for her over there and as strong as she is, i know that she needs this to re-link herself back with her family and friends. it's difficult being over there for 2 years on her very own.

my best smu friend, vanessa has found a job she's finally happy in and i'm so damn glad. i still remember our MA class that we were in where we found out we were both from poly. from then on, we were kindred spirits for sure. i could always count on vanessa to be waiting patiently at serangoon station so that we would take the train to school together and talk non-stop all the way. she's the korean soap opera aunty and the only person in school (besides guofeng) who would humour me when i was spouting nonsense. together with ernest, keli, and the rest. school just wasn't the same without them there.

fanny has been there for me as well. through alot in the recent times of emotional unrest. haha. the best thing about her has to be how she doesn't expect anything back from me in return. i have yet to sincerely thank her for all that she's done for me this christmas and the aftermath of it. i can't envision myself asking for help from another person.

keli is a sort of a gentle giant. o.O i can imagine him rolling his eyes as he reads this but he's also been there for me, more than you can ever imagine. i really do appreciate his willingness to listen and offers of help. he was there in my darkest darkest hours, and when i really needed a hand getting back up again.

3. love
oh god. this has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. guofeng and i have been through alot in the past 7 months.

the more i think about it, the more i understand why it had to happen. presumably, the best things in life are:
a. not free
b. do not last

we had the best of it all in the past few years we were together. so by law, it had to not last. but we are working it out, bit by bit. together. or at least i think so. it just needs both of us to put some effort. things have changed and we must adapt. i'm still insecure and i still need reassurance, but slowly i believe he will come to understand that reassurance doesn't come and go, but it comes and stays and slowly goes away. patience will be our ultimate saving grace, my dear.

but most importantly, we have made the promise to stay with each other. and as he says, only time will tell. for the meantime, this promise is enough.

4. health
my health is not very good.

i do not go to the gym. i do not go jogging. i occasionally go swimming. does that count? i haven't played golf in the longest time. perhaps two months, and i should really get back into the habit.

hmm. is reading healthy? lindy just recently got me three books for christmas and abel got me one and now i am far up on the reading health scale.

5. travel
i've travelled quite a bit this year. hong kong in june, europe in june to july, kuala lumpur in october, and back to hong kong in december.

hong kong in june was with my family and my grandma who came down from canada. we didn't really do much because well, we just didn't have the energy to. but it was fun nonetheless. enough to warrant another visit to hong kong in december.

europe was a whirlwind of emotions and experiences. milan, paris, athens, mykonos, olympia, pisa, naples, florence, rome, and venice. did i miss out anything?

having not seen him for the last 5 months and realizing that he has adapted so well to life without, was a bit of a startling revelation. i wish i could get to know his friends who went to milan with him as well, so that i can understand more about those months i missed out. maybe someday.

kuala lumpur in october was for a school field trip. alot of fun and not alot of work.

i made some top-rate friends from that class. christina, my roommate, jeremy, abel, laura, manuela, daniel, thomas, terence. who taught me the art of drinking and brought me into bad company. HAHA.

i miss those days and i remember them like as if they were yesterday. being away from home with caution tossed into the wind really taught me alot about myself and allowed me to really see these people for who they truly are. that's why i like them so. some of them are exchange students and have left, but no matter. now i have good friends in switzerland.

hong kong in december was so different from hong kong in june. the weather is terrific and i want to go back again. of course not to mention how guofeng and i love to shop there. lalala. we made a new friend there, leon! and we've decided, well ok, i've decided for us, that we'll be going back sometime in july. woooooot! is that when the sale is? perfect then. london next year end as well.

6. self
alot of things have gone awry this year but things are looking better.

it's alot to ask of me to forget the worst of this year because it will haunt even the most optimistic human being. but time heals. and i will soon forget.

and because i just had this gut feeling at the stroke of midnight last night, i know the new year will be a good one. trust me. my instincts are never wrong.

peanut butter sniffles

all she had eaten so far that day was a Snickers bar and a packet of kettle chips, and she was ravenous. as the tea was brewing she made a peanut butter sandwich with thick-sliced white bread.

before she put the jar away she couldn't resist scooping out a generous spoonful of peanut butter and eating it in one go. as soon as she swallowed it, she felt it blocking her windpipe, and as she fought for breath she could only think of what an embarrassing way this would be to die. after thumping her chest and swigging some much-to-hot tea, her breathing slowly returned to normal.

sitting at the small table by the window, she made a point of eating her sandwich in a more sedate, less life-threatening manner.

it was sunny outside and she didn't want to waste the rest of the daylight, so as soon as she finished eating, she stepped back into her walking boots, put on her coat and went out, along the coast path, through the fields.

*chirrup*

it's like the little bird with the clipped wings.

you want to leave, but you can't.

God bless me please.

back to basics

can you understand it?

lucky are those who awake no more.